I am forwarding this from Jim to you. This is so unbelievably beautiful. Women you may relate to this father and if not it was and still is your desire as an adult woman. Fathers you may relate if you have a daughter and if you have not been blessed with a daughter, you have daughters everywhere because every girl or woman who missed the beauty of this father has a void and is searching for this father through you. Daughter's lives depend on this father. Some daughters experienced this father, some never had this father or a father at all. This is the father who is an example of the love from our Father in Heaven. An additional hidden beauty isn't said here but is a father's nature who has this kind of love, never letting his daughter forget he is human and not God, and that is when a father is able to say, 'Forgive me' and in this also a daughter finds safety, love and healing. Even after a daughter is grown or gone, or a father is gone, the relationship of a father and daughter never ceases. The communication remains open within both hearts bringing heaven and earth together. How do I know these things? This is what my heart knows as a daughter.
Here is Jim Spivey's blog from this morning. There is no doubt Jim's full desire is to be this father to his daughter. What an honor it is to hear his heart. As you can see Anne is Jim's wife. I hope and pray this song and writing can be a constant reminder and healing
for us all.
From: jspivey@revolutionconsulting.comTo: jspivey@revolutionconsulting.comSubject: Loving our daughtersDate: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 05:33:01 -0600
Anne sent me this really cool song late Saturday night, as she was up finding iPod music:
Daughters, by John Mayer
I know a girlShe puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a mazeWhere all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Oh, you see that skin?It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Boys, you can breakYou'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strongAnd boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart
On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
And then I found the music video to go with it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f38Ne96R3iE
And then I found this incredible piece of writing to go along with all of it. This is beautiful stuff.
Enjoy, Dads and Daughters!:
The Father-Daughter Relationship
THE ESSENTIAL, HEALTHY BOND BETWEEN A FATHER AND HIS DAUGHTER
AND
UNDERSTANDING A DAUGHTER'S INNATE NEED FOR HER FATHER'S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, BEING ABLE TO TRUST HIM AND FEEL SAFE, SECURE AND STABLE WITH HIM AT ALL TIMES.
Anonymous
A father teaches his daughter what men are and what sort of treatment she can expect from them. He gives her the first inkling of what men will think of her.
As a child, a daughter will vie for her father’s attention, bask in his praise, rebel against his authority, hide from his wrath, cry over his rejection, feel warm and cozy in his arms, and enjoy his presence and "manliness."
A father’s praise and specific comments about her intelligence, appearance, and skills, when it comes to just about anything, are crucial to her feeling good about her self and her sense of being feminine.
Initially, a father is the principal transmitter of culturally-based information and attitudes about what is masculine and feminine and gender-based roles.
A daughter must be given the tools and skills necessary for her survival in the world of tomorrow. Some of these a mother will certainly provide, but most are provided by her father. These tools and skills are paramount to a daughter’s self-image, safety, and self-sufficiency in the world she must grow up in.
A father must be present; he must be capable; and he must therefore develop a plan of action for building the house of self-esteem in which his daughter will reside. He needs a blueprint and the proper tools to help her forge her way and leave her mark on the world. Above all else however, a father must provide the foundation of unconditional love and trust. Regardless of the daughter’s shortcomings and regardless of her age, she must always be able to live her life freely knowing there is a soft, safe, place of love to land whenshe takes a wrong turn in life and falls flat on her face.
It is crucial that a father’s positive, loving impact is made and secured from the very beginning; that he seeks ways to bond with his daughter and not just leave things to the mother. His words of advice and wisdom will ring truer if he has made the time to be with her from day one. The diapers changed, the stories read, the games played, and the hugs and kisses delivered all become deposits in her bank account of love and acceptance. With these deposits a daughter will grow to believe she is truly special in her father’s eyes. A balance of warmth, structure, and discipline will provide her with a healthy grounding for her self-esteem. A father becomes important either by his presence (both physical and emotional) or by his absence. The choice is his.
It is also important to understand that the Father-Daughter bond doesn’t dissipate at a pre-appointed age, or because of some specific purpose. It is a relationship that lasts a lifetime. Regardless of the age, the father is always the father and the daughter is always the daughter. The bond and the love that exists between father and daughter is no less when the daughteris 50 than when she was 5.
A daughter’s sense of worth as a woman and as a person is deeply rooted in her experiences with her father. She will re-enact her struggles with her father with every man that comes into her life. The father who is absent (in any way) influences his daughter to develop a craving for approval and attentionfrom him and from other men.
How do men truly feel during the experience of being with their daughters? The bonding and connection, the unconditional love, the ease of accepting and appreciating the feminine beauty of girls is a contrast to the demands he experiences in his relations with adult females. For him, having a daughter offers a profound source of joy and pain, pride and disappointment. With his daughter he can experience the importance of sharing what a man knows about how to survive and succeed in life. He may stress the importance of physical strength, love of career, competition, being the best, developing tenacity, perseverance, endurance and stamina. He can let his girl know what boys and men enjoy in a relationship and how that differs from what her mother might suggest to her.
Fathers can and do make a huge difference when it comes to parenting their daughters. If he wants to equip her with self-esteem and psychological health, an awareness of how to achieve her potential, he will need to incorporate the information offered here in order to accomplish his task. And, this task is a never-ending one. Loving and parenting their daughters doesn’t end at a specific age or time. A daughter will always look to her father as the one man in her life that will always love her unconditionally and the one man in her life that will always be there when she needs him.
If a father wants his daughter to be capable, talented, competent, to feel beautiful and to believe in herself, he must value her talents and trust her insights. And his behavior, not just his words, will be her guide.
A daughter’s father will give her the edge she needs in order to feel self-love and the confidence necessary to meet the rigors of personal, relational, and professional achievement head-on.
A FATHER’S OATH TO HIS DAUGHTER
I wish to love you unconditionally today and all the days to come, regardless of what you do, or do not do, and regardless of what you accomplish or do not accomplish.I wish to love and support you as you live your life, but I wish to not spare you from the lessons in life you must learn. I wish to always be honest and truthful with you, expecting by my example, the same from you.I wish to not interfere with your right to grow, and will allow you to make mistakes and to learn from them. I wish to guide you, doing my best in allowing you to find your own way, supporting your right to privacy and independence, doing my best never to give you reasons to be afraid - afraid of verbal or physical rage, emotional rejection, shame, dishonor, guilt, or the threat of my withholding my love from you. I wish you to always feel safe and unafraid in our relationship, especially unafraid of being honestwith me, regardless of the circumstance.I wish to not ever be demeaning as you attempt to understand things you are unfamiliar with. I wish to do my best to help teach you things you do not understand. I wish to also never degrade your interests, or make fun of those activities that make you happy, unless they are activities that could bring you or others harm.I wish to teach you discipline and the importance of respect, kindness, and structure in your life and in relationships with others. I wish to also utilize every opportunity to instruct, build character, and teach responsibility, and assist you in finding solutions to problems that arise in your life.I wish to teach you that physical-beauty is secondary to inward-beauty, character, self-respect, and experiencing the true, spiritual meaning of your life. Appearance can be important, but your kindness, character, integrity, and finding your own personal spiritual path and relationship with God are
From: jspivey@revolutionconsulting.comTo: jspivey@revolutionconsulting.comSubject: Loving our daughtersDate: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 05:33:01 -0600
Anne sent me this really cool song late Saturday night, as she was up finding iPod music:
Daughters, by John Mayer
I know a girlShe puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a mazeWhere all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Oh, you see that skin?It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Boys, you can breakYou'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strongAnd boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart
On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
And then I found the music video to go with it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f38Ne96R3iE
And then I found this incredible piece of writing to go along with all of it. This is beautiful stuff.
Enjoy, Dads and Daughters!:
The Father-Daughter Relationship
THE ESSENTIAL, HEALTHY BOND BETWEEN A FATHER AND HIS DAUGHTER
AND
UNDERSTANDING A DAUGHTER'S INNATE NEED FOR HER FATHER'S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, BEING ABLE TO TRUST HIM AND FEEL SAFE, SECURE AND STABLE WITH HIM AT ALL TIMES.
Anonymous
A father teaches his daughter what men are and what sort of treatment she can expect from them. He gives her the first inkling of what men will think of her.
As a child, a daughter will vie for her father’s attention, bask in his praise, rebel against his authority, hide from his wrath, cry over his rejection, feel warm and cozy in his arms, and enjoy his presence and "manliness."
A father’s praise and specific comments about her intelligence, appearance, and skills, when it comes to just about anything, are crucial to her feeling good about her self and her sense of being feminine.
Initially, a father is the principal transmitter of culturally-based information and attitudes about what is masculine and feminine and gender-based roles.
A daughter must be given the tools and skills necessary for her survival in the world of tomorrow. Some of these a mother will certainly provide, but most are provided by her father. These tools and skills are paramount to a daughter’s self-image, safety, and self-sufficiency in the world she must grow up in.
A father must be present; he must be capable; and he must therefore develop a plan of action for building the house of self-esteem in which his daughter will reside. He needs a blueprint and the proper tools to help her forge her way and leave her mark on the world. Above all else however, a father must provide the foundation of unconditional love and trust. Regardless of the daughter’s shortcomings and regardless of her age, she must always be able to live her life freely knowing there is a soft, safe, place of love to land whenshe takes a wrong turn in life and falls flat on her face.
It is crucial that a father’s positive, loving impact is made and secured from the very beginning; that he seeks ways to bond with his daughter and not just leave things to the mother. His words of advice and wisdom will ring truer if he has made the time to be with her from day one. The diapers changed, the stories read, the games played, and the hugs and kisses delivered all become deposits in her bank account of love and acceptance. With these deposits a daughter will grow to believe she is truly special in her father’s eyes. A balance of warmth, structure, and discipline will provide her with a healthy grounding for her self-esteem. A father becomes important either by his presence (both physical and emotional) or by his absence. The choice is his.
It is also important to understand that the Father-Daughter bond doesn’t dissipate at a pre-appointed age, or because of some specific purpose. It is a relationship that lasts a lifetime. Regardless of the age, the father is always the father and the daughter is always the daughter. The bond and the love that exists between father and daughter is no less when the daughteris 50 than when she was 5.
A daughter’s sense of worth as a woman and as a person is deeply rooted in her experiences with her father. She will re-enact her struggles with her father with every man that comes into her life. The father who is absent (in any way) influences his daughter to develop a craving for approval and attentionfrom him and from other men.
How do men truly feel during the experience of being with their daughters? The bonding and connection, the unconditional love, the ease of accepting and appreciating the feminine beauty of girls is a contrast to the demands he experiences in his relations with adult females. For him, having a daughter offers a profound source of joy and pain, pride and disappointment. With his daughter he can experience the importance of sharing what a man knows about how to survive and succeed in life. He may stress the importance of physical strength, love of career, competition, being the best, developing tenacity, perseverance, endurance and stamina. He can let his girl know what boys and men enjoy in a relationship and how that differs from what her mother might suggest to her.
Fathers can and do make a huge difference when it comes to parenting their daughters. If he wants to equip her with self-esteem and psychological health, an awareness of how to achieve her potential, he will need to incorporate the information offered here in order to accomplish his task. And, this task is a never-ending one. Loving and parenting their daughters doesn’t end at a specific age or time. A daughter will always look to her father as the one man in her life that will always love her unconditionally and the one man in her life that will always be there when she needs him.
If a father wants his daughter to be capable, talented, competent, to feel beautiful and to believe in herself, he must value her talents and trust her insights. And his behavior, not just his words, will be her guide.
A daughter’s father will give her the edge she needs in order to feel self-love and the confidence necessary to meet the rigors of personal, relational, and professional achievement head-on.
A FATHER’S OATH TO HIS DAUGHTER
I wish to love you unconditionally today and all the days to come, regardless of what you do, or do not do, and regardless of what you accomplish or do not accomplish.I wish to love and support you as you live your life, but I wish to not spare you from the lessons in life you must learn. I wish to always be honest and truthful with you, expecting by my example, the same from you.I wish to not interfere with your right to grow, and will allow you to make mistakes and to learn from them. I wish to guide you, doing my best in allowing you to find your own way, supporting your right to privacy and independence, doing my best never to give you reasons to be afraid - afraid of verbal or physical rage, emotional rejection, shame, dishonor, guilt, or the threat of my withholding my love from you. I wish you to always feel safe and unafraid in our relationship, especially unafraid of being honestwith me, regardless of the circumstance.I wish to not ever be demeaning as you attempt to understand things you are unfamiliar with. I wish to do my best to help teach you things you do not understand. I wish to also never degrade your interests, or make fun of those activities that make you happy, unless they are activities that could bring you or others harm.I wish to teach you discipline and the importance of respect, kindness, and structure in your life and in relationships with others. I wish to also utilize every opportunity to instruct, build character, and teach responsibility, and assist you in finding solutions to problems that arise in your life.I wish to teach you that physical-beauty is secondary to inward-beauty, character, self-respect, and experiencing the true, spiritual meaning of your life. Appearance can be important, but your kindness, character, integrity, and finding your own personal spiritual path and relationship with God are
much more important.
I wish to guide the development of your self-esteem, teaching you that it is only necessary to measure-up to God's design of you and your own highest standards for yourself. I wish to encourage you to take calculated risks, meet new challenges, overcome obstacles and deal with the real world, realistically and with common-sense. Although you will always be "my little girl," I wish to respect you as a woman in the years to come, respecting your decisions, delighting in your successes, and helping you through your failures, as you will allow me to, and provided you are not neglecting your responsibilities.
I will always love you unconditionally, could never be prouder or feel luckier than any other man on Earth to have you as my daughter, regardless of your accomplishments or failures, virtues or shortcomings. And, as long as it is within my power, I promise that I will ALWAYS be your sanctuary andsoft place to fall should such a time become important or necessary.
Most importantly and above all, this Oath, taken in God’s Holy Presence, I PROMISE NEVER to abandon you, withhold my love from you, shame you, dishonor you, or deny you as my own, for any reason.
Signed this the __________ day of ___________________ ,
______________.
Father's Signature:
__________________________________________________________
And as I just finished putting this together, Anne carried Heather up to my office and asked if I would sit with my little girl for a while, because she couldn't sleep from all of her coughing, and the coughing was occurring as she was lying down, and she needed to sit up for a little while, and my answer was, "Gladly!", and so Heather and I went downstairs and put the lights on on the Christmas Tree, and we sat in the massage chair together, taking in how lucky we are to have each other. It was sheer bliss, and it let me feel and understand the importance of today's message like nobody's business.
I wish to guide the development of your self-esteem, teaching you that it is only necessary to measure-up to God's design of you and your own highest standards for yourself. I wish to encourage you to take calculated risks, meet new challenges, overcome obstacles and deal with the real world, realistically and with common-sense. Although you will always be "my little girl," I wish to respect you as a woman in the years to come, respecting your decisions, delighting in your successes, and helping you through your failures, as you will allow me to, and provided you are not neglecting your responsibilities.
I will always love you unconditionally, could never be prouder or feel luckier than any other man on Earth to have you as my daughter, regardless of your accomplishments or failures, virtues or shortcomings. And, as long as it is within my power, I promise that I will ALWAYS be your sanctuary andsoft place to fall should such a time become important or necessary.
Most importantly and above all, this Oath, taken in God’s Holy Presence, I PROMISE NEVER to abandon you, withhold my love from you, shame you, dishonor you, or deny you as my own, for any reason.
Signed this the __________ day of ___________________ ,
______________.
Father's Signature:
__________________________________________________________
And as I just finished putting this together, Anne carried Heather up to my office and asked if I would sit with my little girl for a while, because she couldn't sleep from all of her coughing, and the coughing was occurring as she was lying down, and she needed to sit up for a little while, and my answer was, "Gladly!", and so Heather and I went downstairs and put the lights on on the Christmas Tree, and we sat in the massage chair together, taking in how lucky we are to have each other. It was sheer bliss, and it let me feel and understand the importance of today's message like nobody's business.
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