Friday

October 31, 2008 Walking The Path

Walking The Path

Psalm 77:19 Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen.

My heart is to do His will and my desire is to hear my purpose from Him. There is an uncertainty and unsureness when I look at myself. When I look and wait on Him to show me and keep my eyes and heart captive on the Lord, even when things are uncertain, I find strength to move forward no matter how crazy it sounds. After all who in their right mind would go up to the sea and believe there would be a way through those mighty waters? And even more so, the walk through the wall of water on both sides across must have been terrifying, but they did it. As I walk through the sea with walls of water on both sides, I cannot see a thing except my path, and yes, I'm terrified, it is only by faith I'll make it.

Paths have a beginning and an end, it's the middle that is uncertain and only faith will get you down it. While on the path some will come to greet you, some to feed you, some will come to tend your wounds, some will take you to your death, some will walk with you to support you, One will carry me when I can't go on to the end, to find my ultimate purpose in this life.


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Jeremy Camp wrote this song as a young husband at 23. He lost his wife to ovarian cancer at age 21.

Video & Song
'I Still Believe' by Jeremy Camp

Thursday

October 30, 2008 Beauty in Waiting

Beauty in Waiting

There have been times I thought I would send a blank screen and see what responses I got.

Some days I wake up with this heightened awareness of newness, e.g. the slate is wiped clean. Today is this and I want to bask in this moment as God prepares me for my day. The quietness of not knowing, this peace actually is very new for me, because I use to have 'my own' hand in my plans from the moment I jumped out of bed. Oh yes, I prayed for God to guide me, but never with surrendering to His plan, as if He needed my help! Now the beauty, and yes 'bliss' of 'surrendering' everyday to what God is preparing cannot be described in words.

Psalm 5:3 In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. NIV

The requests of the heart are to do His will, I am learning to let go and let Him show me what that is. Amazing!


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And as I was looking for a song, guess what my fingers 'accidently' hit this song.
It couldn't be more perfect to express my feelings on this topic.
I am saying 'yes, thank You God!' My song for today, to 'walk by faith'.

Video & Song
Walk By Faith by Jeremy Camp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9WXUlERHKc&feature=related

Wednesday

October 29, 2008 Do I, Should I?

Do I, Should I?

Miriam, Aaron's sister did it. David did it. It was done in celebration of victory or praise or thanksgiving.
Miriam and all the women followed her as they danced in praise and song to God delivering His people from Pharaoh and his army through the parting sea. David danced before the ark in His Spirit. Of course there was also dancing before false gods and dancing to entice as with the daughter of Herodias and Herod, but I want to talk about a dance that is in celebration to our God.
There isn't dancing much with song and praise to God, maybe beautiful Israeli dancing. Almost every country and culture has their own dance in celebration. Italy, Greece, Mexico to name a few. In the U.S. there isn't dancing in celebration (not sure about square dancing). When you watch the passion in dancing of some cultures it shows their spirit and love of life.

It is so freeing to be able to dance in praise. To dance before the Lord is one form of praise to God. Maybe I won't dance before Him in public but when I do dance, as little as it may be, it rises up from within me and extension of my praise, it is all of me, it is with a deeper expression of what is within me and my love of life and love for my Lord.

Tuesday

October 28, 2008 The Call and The Gift

The Call and The Gift

'This tension created by the Fall lies behind the notion of 'tentmaking.' Needless to say, there was no advertised job that was perfect for Paul's calling' 'Apostle to the Gentiles" $50,000 per annum.' So Paul, not wishing to depend on wealthy Corinthians patrons, earned money by making tents. Doubtless he made his tents well because they too were made to the glory of God. But tentmaking was never the heart of Paul's calling, it was only a part, as all of life is. As a part of our calling such 'tentmaking' at worst is work that frustrates us because it takes time we wish to spend on things more central. But at best it is work that frees us to get to that which is central. By contrast, whatever is the heart of our calling is work that fulfills us because it employs our deepest gifts.' The Call, Os Guinness

Every morning I wake up and ask the Lord to show me how I can serve Him. Staying open to each opportunity and in this there is something happening, it is with my gifts.

Each and everyone of you have gifts that have been given to you by God. You may know what they are and if you don't He will show you. These gifts may be speaking, teaching, ministering, encouraging, exhorting, edifying, listening, prayer warrior, and with any gifts is 'being a 'servant' rather than 'serving'. In my life the 'tentmaking' can be frustrating (mostly in the time consuming task itself, or my aching body after almost 8 hours of painting props yesterday, Right Kathy D?), but freeing in that each project is an extension of what is within me. Whatever I do, I pray that it isn't just 'work' or a 'job' but that it gives glory to God. He has blessed me through my gifts and now I am able to see how my gifts are used to serve Him wherever I go.

Each day is a new day and today is beautiful.



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Video & Song
'Marvelous Light' Charlie Hall
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0oA2ka7tnh8

Monday

October 27, 2008 My Choice

My Choice

There are two places which I can look.....



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the other is everything else.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

There is a profound difference between His light and any other light; His peace and the world's peace.

I choose Jesus.

Video & Song
'Marvelous Light' Charlie Hall
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0oA2ka7tnh8

Sunday

October 26, 2008, A Choice

Daily I must always choose to live to die; or die in order to live.
That is my mind and my flesh, the spirit within me lives always.

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

When we give up it is a beautiful place to be, because it is His strength
not ours.


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Video & Song
'Crucified With Christ' Phillips, Craig and Dean

Friday

October 24, 2008 The Deeper Side of Not Letting Go of Hurt and Pain

Unforgiveness, hatred and bitterness?...

Whoa, Nellie do I dare? This is a heavy duty topic. Let me blow the doors off one more time with my (really deep) inner work exposed in order that I may be continually set free, this is an ongoing process throughout life, I will lead the way in order that others may feel free to be real and look, in order that the 'truth' will set us free. Every once in awhile this topic comes up, but really maybe it should be out there every day. Every once in awhile it is brought up in church (briefly). I suppose we are all afraid of this 'truth'. It is so necessary to stay in check on these all the time. 'These' have been the reasons for much of my staggering, dragging and struggling, past illnesses, inner turmoil, and a need to run away from what is difficult to deal with.

Our entire life is an ongoing crisis, we struggle to make sense of it all and we can't. We are hurt and it may continue depending on the relationships. People 'hurt' us throughout our lives and they are not always aware of what they are doing, they are like us, operating out of the same struggles. We are all the same.

When I am ready to throw in the towel (this is a crucial point of looking at these feelings) I want to give up on family, marriage or any other relationship, when I want to bail out, some 'angel' comes along to say 'remember Teresa you are in this battle because you chose to in following Him' and another 'remember Teresa you maybe physically and emotionally separated, but you are not spiritually separated' in regard to when Ken and I were separated. So then I must look and hold myself in this place to really look at it regardless of how bad I've been hurt. And to think that my brother had the nerve to speak (and initially I wasn't happy, What Lord, You say I can stand steady in this storm, again?) what the Lord was saying through him to me, and I know it was the Lord speaking through Him, I either listened or rejected what I knew was Truth. And it came at the last minute and not a day before when I was crying out, it was when I gave up! Isn't it always that way?

There is a tremendous and continuous amount of hurt day after day. It doesn't matter the premise from which it comes, it just is. My greatest task in this life is to try and keep 'hurt' at just 'hurt', to confess my sins daily and ask for peace before it becomes unforgiveness before they become hate and and deep bitterness. The deep seeds of the latter are much harder to pull up from the roots and when the growth from them are cut off, the roots are still there. So I confess yes, I've let hurt become unforgiveness and then become hate and bitterness, but I have a Lord who loves me regardless and if we allow Him, He will dig up the deepest of the roots. I release 'hurt' and 'pain' to Him and if there are those deep roots I ask Him to show me that I may ask for forgiveness for complete and total healing.

This is what the Lord wants for us all....to be set free.

And I don't want to leave without adding, the way to healing is to express your hurt, your anger and your pain. We don't have to be afraid of these, we can come out on the other side with forgiveness and loving kindness.

Ephesians 4: 26 "Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil. 28 Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. 29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.


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Video & Song
'Inside Out' Hillsong United
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2bXfNj3dvk&feature=related


His Heart My Heart Your Heart
Continuously joined together, going on without interruption.
One continuous expression of love.

Thursday

October 23, 2008 Knowing When Unsure

Knowing When Unsure

There are times that the struggles to see my way through my fear is harder than others, times where I really fight to keep from giving up (my human outward appearance of having it all together is a facade). These are the times when I must go deep within myself to allow His light to illuminate within me to see my purpose in the 'blackouts' (how interesting, we had one last night from the storm). I will not deny that I have fearful times when I really don't have a clue as to what I'm doing or going to do. This doesn't make me less of a Christian but a stronger one, able to experience all of life, the good, the bad and the ugly. And to stand firm in the midst of being unsure of my next step, knowing that He is in control and not me. One of my greatest tests is to give up control to the Lord and allow Him to navigate and relax and lay back and enjoy the ride, He knows where to go every time.

I am a spirit being first within a body, not the other way around



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Video & Song
'You Are My World' Hillsong
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pt7Kej_kRZ8&feature=related

Wednesday

October 22, 2008 I Look At What Is Most Important

I Look At What Is Most Important

What do I see? Where do I look? I have a choice every moment of every day. To breathe in all of His creation or get stuck in circumstances that divert my attention from all that is so valuable in my life, to love and honor my family that has been given to me.
My purpose, first is to love the Lord My God with my whole heart, mind and soul, and love my neighbor as myself. My neighbor is everywhere.





Video & Song
'I Will Lift My Eyes' Bebo Norman

Tuesday

October 21, 2008 Fully Protected

Fully Protected

Ephesians 6:10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
It isn't anyone in the family, at the office, on the roads, in the stores, in politics, in other countries, with dictators or anyone perceived to be the problem. When I 'remember' to keep my mind on the Lord, and believe me, when I'm distracted and don't or forget, I quickly realize how human I am. There is grace, times to pray without ceasing, praying in the Spirit on all occasions, for all the saints, you, my brothers and sisters, remembering those in authority and those about to be in authority. I am not equipped in the flesh, I must keep my heart up-to-date every conscience moment. The mundane gets in the way or some one cuts me off at the freeway entrance or exit or in the line at the grocery store, someone does something to hurt me (they may not even be aware they did) and family struggles of all kinds. Even in the middle of all these struggles, through all the mind confusion and mind pollution, all the screaming around the world, I am the most free when I am able to lay it all down and go straight to the Cross. In these moments I realize the devil has no power over me by using any situation to cause me to fear or give up and in these wonderful moments, when the Lord is the only One on my mind and in my heart, in these moments I am in heaven on earth and there really is world 'peace'.




Video & Song
'At The Cross' Hillsong

Monday

October 20, 2008 Pain

Pain: An unpleasant sensation occurring in varying degrees of severity as a consequence of injury, disease, or emotional disorder.

But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world. --C.S. Lewis

There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.-- Mark Twain

Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content. –Bob Dylan

Deep unspeakable suffering may well be called a baptism, a regeneration, the initiation into a new state. -- George Eliot

My barn having burned to the ground, I can now see the moon.— Japanese poet Masahide

Pain is never permanent. --Teresa of Avila

In this world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world. --Jesus Christ

Some believe there is a need to inflict pain on themselves and in that suffering is redemption and on the other hand there are some who believe speaking the Word of God is a tool to keep us from feeling or experiencing pain. We don't need to go out of our way to inflict self pain, there is enough already in this life. Last night it came to me, we don't need to be in denial about our pain, just overcome the pain.


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Video & Song'
Through It All'
Hillsong
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33aGaYAZvL4

Sunday

October 19, 2008 Believe

Believe

All things are possible, only believe.

Jesus said, "If? There are no 'ifs' among believers. Anything can happen." Mark 9:23 The Message

Some only come out by prayer, in reference to this scripture, But aren't we suppose to be praying always anyway?

For what do you believe? No 'ands, ifs or buts'.


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Video & Song
'Let It Rain' Michael W Smith
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gs0jUh5yPA&feature=related

Saturday

October 18, 2008 Involuntary Communication

Abstract

Previous investigations have shown that the perception of socially relevant facial expressions, indicating someone else's intention to communicate (e.g., smiling), correlate with increased activity in zygomaticus major muscle regardless of whether the facial expressions seen are directed towards the human observer or toward someone else (Mojzisch et al., 2006). These spontaneous, involuntary reactions have been described as facial mimicry and seem to be of considerable importance for successful interpersonal communication. We investigated whether specific neural substrates underlie these responses by performing a finite impulse response (FIR) analysis of an experiment using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to investigate the perception of socially relevant facial expressions (Schilbach et al., 2006). This analysis demonstrates that differential neural activity can be detected relative to the FIR time window in which facial mimicry occurs. The neural network found includes but extends beyond classical motor regions (face motor area) recruiting brain regions known to be involved in social cognition. This network is proposed to subserve the integration of emotional and action-related processes as part of a pre-reflective, embodied reaction to the perception of socially relevant facial expressions as well as a reflective representation of self and other.*
Credit:* http://cat.inist.fr/?aModele=afficheN&cpsidt=20201419
SCHILBACH Leonhard (1 2) ; EICKHOFF Simon B. (2) ; MOJZISCH Andreas (3) ; VOGELEY Kai (1 2) ;
Affiliation(s) du ou des auteurs / Author(s) Affiliation(s)(1) University of Cologne, Cologne, ALLEMAGNE(2)

Research Center Juelich, Juelich, ALLEMAGNE



In layman's terms...

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. ~Phyllis Diller

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. ~Mark Twain

If you smile at someone, they might smile back. ~Author Unknown

Everyone smiles in the same language. ~Author Unknown

Smiling is infectious,You can catch it like the flu. Someone smiled at me today, And I started smiling too.~Author Unknown

Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. ~Mother Teresa

A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give. ~Author Unknown


Effect?

Friday

October 17, 2008 Listen

Listen

This came to me yesterday from an awesome friend and I immediately thought of the one asking for bread, they asked until the owner of the home got up after he had already gone to bed and he gave all he had.

1. Ask God what you should do.

2. Listen intently knowing that He will answer.

3. When He does, do that, no matter how insane it might sound.

4. Pay attention to what happens when you do.

5. Ask again.

And the reason to ask again,

Because sometimes we are hearing our mind rather than Him, and asking again, and trying, and asking again helps us refine our sensors to His voice only.

I also thought of the Lord's voice, when He said my sheep know my voice and follow Me, John 10. But maybe too often in the hustle and bustle of life we forget how His still, small, voice sounds. That means block our everthing else which interferes through the mind, ears and eyes. It is a place for me with total silence, othewise I really can't hear.

And yesterday morning I was reading in Numbers 11, when the Lord told Aaron and Miriam, that He didn't need to speak to Moses in dreams and visions, because of his humble heart, the Lord spoke to Moses mouth to mouth.

In the morning there are 'no sounds', none, some of you may like the late evening, that too.
No motors, no cars, no people talking, 'no noise', just time to listen.


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Beautiful
Video & Song
'Word of God Speak' Mercy Me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Yx4eT7ZxZk&feature=related

Thursday

October 16, 2008 The Same

The Same

With close to 300 entries since last year I had to go back and see if there has been any difference in my thoughts. I found that He is still the stabilizer in my life. That when things need explaining, or obstacles seem difficult, or an answer cannot be found, or wisdom is needed, or I'm feeling despair, or feeling lost or anger about any situation, He is there.

I really see that my blog probably is more about the Lord than me. I can keep talking about Him and His Word, His healing, His wonder in my life and let 'me' blend with Him, or I can show more of my life, and my pain, struggles, my 'real life'. It will be what is on my heart from day to day. It's not so much of me but the Lord and I doubt that will ever change. I am recording my thoughts and my life on the other side of my flesh, but will continue to add more of my struggles of my flesh through my life. It's not completely inspirational, but my desire in sending this to you is that you may be to able see where my strength comes from.

Regardless of my topic, we each must go on our own journey to search for truth, search for peace and for healing. I chose my path and walking with Him, on my knees, whether I follow, or He carries me, I don't need to look any further. He is and He always will be my answer. I know I am not to 'become so heavenly minded that I am no earthly good', I 'see' there is a world out there, reaching far beyond my arms except by prayer where I can be with anyone, any place in the world at anytime. Yes, I have my heart set on the things to come, but I cannot forget where I am 'now', and that there are hurting people, everywhere, including the 'church'. So maybe I should say, after continually needing the purging fire, being broken and crushed, 'I am seeing more with His heart, so I can really be some earthly good'.



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They had it right on this one,
Video & Song
'Eleanor Rigby' The Beatles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxyJLxV0_-8&feature=related

Wednesday

October 15, 2008 I Love You

I Love You

It has become my greatest desire to know you more, to see past 'words'. I am learning to 'see' you and 'hear' you and in doing so I see and hear myself. We are all created to have commun(ion)ity, to 'see' and 'love' takes slowing down and 'being with' each other. It takes more than a handshake, a hug, or small talk to see the deepest part of each other, our hearts.

When we look past the superficial body language, words and actions, we find hearts that want to give love and receive love under hurt, shame, fear and loneliness. We all need encouragement and compassion and to hear, 'I understand and I love you'.

Who can do this 100% of the time? No one, there is only One who sees and loves always. As my desire is to know you more, I am learning to know 'me' more, I can only love as I learn to love myself. We are His vessels, and His desire is for us to love Him with our total being and to love our brothers and sisters as we love ourselves. We may not have the capacity for the whole world in a single moment, we can start with those closest to us.




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Video & Song
'Miracle of The Moment' Steven Curtis Chapman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rResKXjKqjQ&feature=related

Tuesday

October 14, 2008 Help Up The Mountain

Help Up The Mountain

There have been, there are and there always will be problems in my life that were either denied, ignored, dealt with or somehow grace helped me find my way to the other side. When problems 'seem' unsolvable, it becomes hard to see, because I become blinded by the problem. Some mountains are steep to climb, and even too wide to go around or at least parts of a mountain, but there is always a trail to the top maybe even a way through the center.

In one of the hottest summers here in Houston in 1979, I went with some friends to hike outside of Pike's Peak up to 13,500 feet. The climb up was a very difficult challenge for me and I was able to see my real weak areas, like carrying a 30lb. backpack on a once 120lb body, up a 45 degree ascent wasn't easily unloaded on others who were carrying the same weight. If it wasn't for the beauty of the climb and the sometimes stern in my face 'don't stop!!' from my friends, all the pain would have caused me to quit to the point of needing to be rescued. Somehow I found what I needed to do in order to finish, pushing through the exhaustion to the point of collapsing, the cold (yes, knee deep in snow in July), freezing rain to the point of hypothermia, nausea from the thin air, etc. What an experience when the group finally arrived at the summit to see down in the gully the way down through the snowy slopes and the trail that led back to civilization. While on the mountain top all the fears and problems of the ascent were gone, we all laid all over the summit taking in the beauty and looking up at the sky, yes it does feel like you can touch the sky that high up. The stars were so clear it made the night sky almost white. Those who had blisters and were hurting even in that moment forgot their pain. And that high up we had to breathe a breath with each step or the lack of oxygen would make you pass out. Then there were problems even in the descent but not as great at the ascent. Isn't it interesting when we speak of mountains in our lives we forget that we have to come down and the descent is difficult as well.

As problems overwhelm us even at sea level, it's like climbing a mountain, we need to breathe with every step, put one foot in front of the other and take in the beauty of life wherever it is visible for encouragement and inspiration. When we arrive at the summit of the problem we don't forget where we came from, but pause in the experience and remember the difficulty of the problem. My life's backpack, I must carry my own, I chose to climb this mountain, if I try to unload or discard the weight too soon I will be in danger and lacking in essentials in order to survive. It isn't for me to pass on my backpack to someone else to burden them when I am capable to carry my own, because they have their own to carry. When carefully planned and balanced our life's backpack will have ample supply for the ascent and descent of each problem.

What a lesson climbing a mountain will teach. What is in your backpack that you can pull out in order to find strength to get through this immediate problem? Take out what you need when you need it to help you get to the summit.

There is a gracious Lord Who pours His strength into me to help me climb the mountains of my life and just in time when I need it the most.


'When I Get Where I'm Going' Brad Paisley & Dolly Parton

Monday

October 13, 2008 Releasing Fear

Releasing Fear

In one poll the number one fear is public speaking and number 10 was being alone.
As I thought about all the different fears I realized how great and how real fear is in those moments of each person's life. There is even phobophobia; fear of fear. If I started typing all the different fears I would type until tomorrow.

We can't eliminate fear. Our most recent experiences bring up our most recent fears. Today mine is uncertainty. And to think if I had a full time job that would only eliminate one fear and produce another. For those who have full time jobs or a part time jobs, I hear fear of losing jobs or 401Ks or savings. For parents it is fear for their children and protecting them from this vicious world. Or for others it is fear of losing someone loved or something cherished.

Here are some fears to which we can relate; facing of our pride, being alone, pain both physical and emotional, death physical and spiritual, failure, abandonment, not feeling loved, not feeling wanted. Not just fears of things like spiders or bugs, in one poll the number one fear was flying and progressively became deeper to those of love, God and being alone. Maybe it takes a little longer to get to the deeper fears. Maybe this is fear of fear.

There is only one place I can go to forget in that moment my fears and that is in His perfect love. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4: NIV

We must be real, we are unable to live in this world without fear coming at us day after day. Even if we were on a deserted island trying to get away from those things which produce fear, we would eventually be afraid of being alone, and fear of what's unknown. The truth is, I can't be saved from my fears by any human nor can I save anyone else from their fears, each of us must look to the One Who drives out all fear.

So it seems to me there is more freedom in truth in facing our fears than pretending and lying to cover up fear. Because when we hold fear in it produces devastating results, which is another topic in itself, and my life experiences alone is enough for another email on this topic.


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I can't think of a better place to go when I'm afraid.

Video & Song
'Through It All' Hillsong

Sunday

October 12, 2008 Identity Restored

Identity Restored

Sometimes in my life I follow so close to someone that I disappear and lose my'self'. Walking in the shadow of another can be an identity losing experience. Whether is it a spouse, a brother, a sister, or a friend, whoever we follow, if it is too close, we take on their identity and if not careful, possibly not be seen at all.

As I've look over my life, I see this happened, not being allowed to have an identity, e.g. being able to fully expressing myself as a child expresses themselves, carried over to my adult life with limited expression. When abuse and neglect are used to control, identity is lost. When love and nurturing, caring and embracing, being honest and being truthful are within the family system, when space is allowed for full expression, there is wholeness and completeness being nutured to be all that God created us to be. I am experiencing this within my life, as well as with many others sharing their life stories. Listening to others is allowing me to go back and walk a deeper walk within myself, to openly share that my identity had been given up by force and also given up by my choice. The healing process is taking back my identity. Dr. Charles and Connie Meisgeier years ago used an illustration of a mound of clay, as we go through our lives and parts of us are taken bit by bit by others, the healing process is to take the pieces back, by admitting the pain and hurt that it caused and if available go directly to that person who took the pieces, to begin our ultimate healing process.

In my humanness and shortcomings and sins, I will never get it right. His identity which I desire, when it is not fully understood (which it never will completely in this life), can be 'more damaging' to my children and others by the 'walk that I'm trying to walk' causes damage done 'in the name of Jesus' which wasn't Him at all, it was me whether verbalized or by action. It is my open invitation and offering others to be free to express themselves with me their hurt and pain, this is where we all find healing together.

I am complete in Christ, fully able to truthfully look within myself and not hide anything, knowing fully that the Truth will set me free. To acknowledge my human God given nature 'and' my 'new life', now I'm complete.

I am crucified with Him and yet I live, not I but Christ who lives within me. Galatians 2:20.

This shadow heals.




Video & Song
'Crucified With Christ' Phillips Craig & Dean

Saturday

October 11, 2008 To Be Real or Not To Be Real

To Be Real or Not to Be Real

Sometimes I wish I could be real everywhere I go. Not to be one person in church and one person with my family and another in the public arena.

But really who can handle total truth? Shouldn't everyone? What is there to be afraid of?

I have been asked to add more of 'me' (thank you Pam and Sue), to my blog. So in an effort when I write in the evening or the afternoon in the future I will interject more of my'self'. After a long or hard day the 'real' me may show up more clearly. In the morning when I get up at 5am or so (sometimes I hit the snooze button too much) I go straight to the computer and type what is on my mind. I have come to realize the morning for me is a 'new' day and a 'new', 'fresh' idea so my blog is mostly going to or in fact always going to reflect that morning praise in my heart. It is just that way.

As the day goes on and and I'm afraid, angry, hurting on the inside the 'real' me shows up. The way I deal with it will determine if I am ready to die to myself by 'revealing' my(true)self and the truth of my 'real' life. I can choose to ignore the struggles and the pain or pretend it never happened (isn't that delusional?) or I can blame it on some other gullible person (isn't that crazy making?) or even more so, pull God into the picture like a band aid to cover it up. Because I have to be honest, most of the time the problems whether persception or circumstance in my life has nothing to do with God, but my own hidden, inner, unexpressed turmoil, or my own doing. Because of His grace and unconditional love He is always there patiently waiting for my eyes to open up and to be able to see His real and final Truth. Then go to Him where I can constantly ask for forgiveness, where His light shines so bright it shows me even the deep dark crevices of my heart and life that need to be exposed in order to be set free and healed. And if I allow it, the healing which comes from being set free is an ongoing process.

So if I send this out in the evening or afternoon these emails will look different and will sound different. It has been an overly exhausting day, with a lot of uncertainty (so what's new?) and I still need to get up early for another busy, uncertain day tomorrow.

And get ready because I am going to continue to be as real as I am able and look at the deeper, heart of who I am and continue to be set free as I find my way down this hard journey called 'life'.

Friday

October 10, 2008 You Came To My Rescue

You Came To My Rescue

A different version of this story was shared last night by Larry Martin at our church..the story was shared with Jesus being the one who bought the slave...(and He did with a great price)

He went to visit a slave auction one day and was appalled at the sights and sounds of buying and selling human beings. His heart was especially drawn to a young woman on the block whose story seemed to be told in her eyes. She looked with hatred and contempt on everyone around her. She had been used and abused all her life, and this time was but one more cruel humiliation. The bidding began, and Lincoln offered a bid. As other amounts were bid, he countered with larger amounts until he won. When he paid the auctioneer the money and took title to the young woman, she stared at him with vicious contempt. She asked him what he was going to do next with her, and he said, "I'm going to set you free."

"Free?" she asked. "Free for what?"


"Just free." Lincoln answered. "completely free."

"Free to do whatever I want to do?

"Yes," he said. "free to do whatever you want to do."

"Free to say whatever I want to say?"

"Yes, free to say whatever you want say."

"Free to go wherever I want to go?" she asked with skepticism. Lincoln answered, "you are free to go anywhere you want to go."

"Then I'm going with you!" she said with a smile.

Of course we can't be sure that such an encounter ever took place between Lincoln and any such slave girl. I suspect that the story is part of the process by which we make legends out of our leaders. Not an entirely negative process, for you see, we need some ideals to live by. In this particular story President Lincoln is given practically the status and standing of God.

For who but God could truly grant us the gift of our freedom -- not a freedom which ties us down to endless chores and duties and responsibilities. "For freedom God has set us free."

Scary, frightening, exhilarating and wonderful all at the same time. Like taking that leap out the open cockpit door of the airplane flying at several thousand feet above the earth... Like the little child running off to school for the very first day... Like the adolescent embarking upon that first serious romance... Like any of us charting the course of our lives without reference to any outside responsibility or obligation, which we are able to do in the final analysis, simply because, God has given us this great gift. And because no other can or shall ever be able to offer such a gift, we know, within our very heart of hearts, that if God is truly that gracious, we can only respond like the slave girl. "If you really and truly mean it when you say you're offering me my freedom, then I can choose none other; I'll be going with you!"

http://www.godweb.org/freedom.htm

This morning this arrived in my email (thank you Jim) and now I see how the events of my day are so incredibly lined up with invitation to clearly follow Him ...and no other, nor be blinded by circumstances to keep me from following Him.

Yes . . . But


A natural and understandable hesitancy accompanies any serious discussion of service. The hesitancy is prudent since it is wise to count the cost before plunging headlong into any serious service discipline. We experience a deep fear that comes out something like this: 'If I really do that, people will take advantage of me; they will certainly walk all over me.

'Right here we must see the difference between choosing to serve and choosing to be a servant. When we choose who and where and when and how we wish to serve (you can place the word 'love' here with the same effect.), we are still in charge. We carefully decide who we will serve and where we will serve and when we will serve and how we will serve, based on our own availability and convenience and mood, and when remaining in charge like this, we will naturally worry a great deal about fairness and whether anyone is going to overstep the rules and step on us, attempting to seize some of their own control of the situation.

But when we choose to be a servant, we voluntarily give up the right to be in charge. There is great (and quite often unexpected) freedom in this. If we voluntarily choose to be taken advantage of, then we cannot be bamboozled or manipulated. When we choose to be a servant, we surrender the right to decide who and where and when and how we will serve. We become available and vulnerable, possibly for the first time.

Consider the perspective of a slave. A slave sees all of life from the viewpoint of slavery. He does not see himself as possessing the same rights as free men and women. Please understand me, when this slavery is involuntary it is cruel and dehumanizing. But when the slavery is freely chosen, and for a powerfully liberating reason, everything is changed, for voluntary slavery to God's agenda is a great joy and brings total freedom." -- Richard J. Foster, in Celebration of Discipline

Well, there you have it, folks. This is a contrast that's easy to talk about, and slightly more difficult to truly live, so out into the fields I go to surrender my ego freedom for the purpose of gaining my spiritual (and true) freedom, to learn how to love and to serve solely (and soulfully) on His terms. _____ Jim Spivey

This has become my day by day choice. Every moment of every day is committed to be Christ's slave. It became so clear Who is on the inside of me and the need to look within myself for His guidance and His light and forsake all others, to be His slave (by my choice) and serve Him forever all the days of my life, to not be afraid of what I don't see or do see (as in circumstances) because 'He Who is in me is greater than he who is in the world'.


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Video & Song
'You Came To My Rescue' Hillsong United
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAMbEPZfWCY

Thursday

October 9, 2008 Love and Pride

Love and Pride

When I say I'm proud, where is the dividing line between love and pride? Of course that question can only be answered within myself and unless I am careful to observe and listen to my own heart I will not see or care to see in the later of the two.

I'm proud of my children, carefully making sure when I say this that it's because of who they 'are' and not what they've become or what I 'think' I've interjected into lives and what they have become because of that. To walk along side them through their lives and guide them and encourage them to be just who they 'are', listening very carefully to their desires and their vision and offering to them loving guidance, not demands, as they walk through this treacherous life. And I will be the first to say, I have royally screwed this up at various times of my sons lives.

On the other hand if it is about my life and 'look at me' heaped on because of the deficits in my life, from fear and the need to be seen, it is self pride and becomes haughtiness, you know the 'big head' and that is projected on my children to become what 'I' want them to be, or what I need them to be for 'me'.

What an honor it has been for me to watch dads and moms in action as they share their hearts for their children, who aren't afraid to verbalize openly their fears. (Maybe my opening on pride isn't out of context after all). When a father and mother are transparent with each other and with their children, sharing their inner fears and pain, vulnerable with their hearts laid wide open in front of their children, there is no room for pride to raise its 'big head'. And when being transparent, translates into 'Truth and Love' that breaks open every fear and there is unbelievable healing. And if you, the reader, have never experienced this in your childhood, you can imagine what it would feel like, absolutely safe, liberating and freeing.

If we could step on pride and fear and be transparent and vulnerable, openly sharing our fears, pain and shame with our own spouses and children, what an amazing world this would be, because 'Truth and Love' starts within our own homes.


http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2347/2188043245_f16cf1a70a_m.jpg


Video & Song
'I Will Carry You' Michael W Smith
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMZj0520v0g&feature=related

Wednesday

October 8, 2008 Truth To Be Free

Truth To Be Free

I am continuing to learn more about the Truth which sets me free. To be able to speak truth more often and learning how to do so in love and I am seeing all the reasons I was not able to out of (read very carefully) fear or protecting myself or another person. As the Lord slowly and lovingly peels away the layers of my life I am able to see this beautiful freedom as 'love casts out all fear'. To be able to speak truth in love has opened up, and fear of it or the need to protect from it is being peeled away. Truth spoken to me before may have been taken as criticism (not constructive), a personal attack, unappreciation of the 'things I did' because the 'things I did' were attached to who I was or a diverting facade to the carefully guarded deeper, darker part of me, the pain and shame part of me.

Now I see the need for Truth to be spoken freely in order to 'set free'. The fear of truth or protecting myself or others from truth keeps total healing and freedom from being complete within each of us. In the same manner I cannot fully speak truth if I am not ready to fully receive truth. What is spoken in fear, can it ever be truth? What is not spoken in love cannot be received because it isn't from the heart, rather it's from fear, pain and shame. Love cannot be faked and when faking, it creates confusion, despair. Love when not faked is searched for, received and deeply desired. After all, we search for love 'looking in all the wrong places', hearing it from 'all the wrong places' and when the real thing shows up we know it and can distinguish it from all other facades and masks. Because the heart can see and feel truth.

Truth sets us free, it is a continuous, ongoing process of learning and seeing love and being transformed by it. It is the Lord's infinite love and His desire that we be whole and complete as that Truth continues to set us free.

And if I need to remind those readiing, I am sharing my life and my heart, and really we are all connected. I am and know we are all on a continuous searching journey toward healing and being complete.


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Video & Song

'Voice of Truth' Casting Crowns
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwsvqVmFV6Y&feature=related

Tuesday

October 7, 2008 Washing in this Grace

Washing in this Grace

It is amazing, that thing called grace. How in this world can we understand it?
What an incredible washing in unmerited favor.

Yes, His grace is sufficient. His Love and His Grace of which none of us are deserving.

What an amazing washing in this grace like rain.


http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2235/2253352662_0abe8b6da2_m.jpg


Video & Song
'Grace Like Rain' Todd Agnew

Monday

October 6, 2008, The Catalyst

The Catalyst

There are so many things that I could write about. Over this year the blog has been a combination of early morning thoughts and my heart and listening to His still, small voice.

This time I am writing in the evening after a long, difficult day. My thoughts are captive and listening more than talking and listening even more than thinking. The word is 'hope', that which faith comes out of. Hope, the catalyst for the substance which is faith. So when substance is needed and the evidence is not seen, the premise is hope. There is substance out of nothing. Into the purging, surrendering, releasing fire where the catalyst produces evidence of things that cannot be seen.

We are understanding that even in despair, when the flesh cannot go on longer, hope still holds on.

Hope, faith, joy, finished maturity, completeness, lacking nothing, wisdom, humbleness, and ultimately the crown of life. We are searching for all of these.

James 1:2-12 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. 9 The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. 10 But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. 11 For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business. 12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

What a neat reminder...there is beauty in all of it...even when it can't be seen.


http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1252/1439453096_2667fb4799_m.jpg

Video & Song
'Walk By Faith' Jeremy Camp

Sunday

October 5, 2008 No Words

No Words

Sometimes there are no words. Sometimes it is just necessary not to speak or say
a thing.

Listening for a still small Voice.

no
picture

Video & Song
'no song' by me

Saturday

October 4, 2008 Members & Community

Members & Community


After tossing and turning at 4:00am I didn't sleep much but laid in bed remembering back at past injuries, the reason my joints and muscles hurt. Left knee, left ankle, right shoulder, right quad. These are the aging members of my body.

We are members of a greater Body connected gloriously to create a blanket over the whole earth. We are members with differing gifts, searching hearts for Truth. Members of one Body serving each other, yearning for Love and doing everything we can to find it. Members who are looking for Community.

The Common-Unity. Members who have found community found the richness and vibrant beauty in each other in His Spirit which heals, reveals and connects our hearts permanently together. The gifts are beautiful mirrors in the laver where we dip our hearts to wash and see ourselves in each member reflecting back at us. Yes, Connie, I found the laver, this is the laver, the mirrors are the members in community and we are coming together and washing each others feet.

We have been searching to find the answer to 'there must be something deeper'. Yes we search, yes we love the Lord and desire to do His will and search daily in His Word for direction and His Truth and we found the answer to this deeper than deep and in the yearning and in the longing and in being desperate for more until we found Heaven on Earth, it is in community, that part of The Body which has been called out beyond the walls of denominations within community which connects us all. A beautiful, vibrant blanket which weaves us together into 'amomos' without wrinkle or blemish.


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Video & Song
'Every Man' Casting Crowns

Friday

October 3, 2008 A Treasure Found

A Treasure Found

'Your call is to Me first then your family, then your neighbor'. When you lack in this you are truly lacking'

I think a lot these days about what I would be willing to give up to serve the Lord as it has become real life situation.

For the first time in 27-1/2 years it is Ken and I 'more together than ever'. From the time we met, one thing we were always in agreement on is our heart for the down and out. Maybe it's because it seems close to home and really now more than ever close to home since we have been through the loss of a home after 16 years that was 2 years ago) and going into a small 2 bedroom apartment, (cozier than I wanted). But God knew what He was doing, like He was saying 'you must face each other!! (really like a face off!) I'm going to make sure you are somewhere you can work out your problems without living in separate parts of the house.' And as I said before, kicking and screaming like a 2 year old throwing a temper tantrum all the way. I can now say after these 2 years I actually like the coziness, the closeness with Ken and Jesse (who really doesn't and I understand) of the apartment and it certainly diminished the expenses although the needs are still always upon us. To keep a sense of humor when the Lord returns, we're going to tell Him He's late. Actually, someone tell me where in the scripture does it say 'God is never late' or is that on His time or ours?

Everyday we are being broken and reduced, put in a place of having only the Lord to depend on. I shared yesterday with the women's ministry the blog from Wednesday and before I read it I shared my heart on this call to serve fully in ministry and not go back to 'mammon' or the business world. The laying down of my life to serve God's people everywhere, the call to serve is greater than the need for 'it'. It is interesting, I would never have thought of this to be part of the call, but I can say it definitely is. I was blinded by the 'prettiness and comfort of my surroundings', and my life depended on losing it all. Because what purpose does it serve in this life or with this call?

There is no doubt I am seeing an army being called, to give their lives, their hearts and give up the need for things and for 'mammon' to survive and seeing and walking in miracles equivalent to manna. Healing is happening in mind, body and spirit.

The treasure is much greater than the needs. We found a treasure greater than 'mammon'. It is communion with the entire 'the Body'. I can honestly say for the first time in my life, I completely and totally love my life so much I give up my life for my Lord and anyone of them.

Ever hear this before? There is another level of commitment... 'no turning back'.

We are each one light...fuel burning....think of what one light can do.


http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2066/2523014821_b6d22187f7_m.jpg

Let's stay with this one more day...
Video & Song
'Lord, You Have My Heat' Delirious
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZ6oNDPP8HA&feature=related

Thursday

October 2, 2008 What We Do

What We Do

Matthew 9:14. When they came to the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and the teachers of the law arguing with them. 15. As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him. 16. "What are you arguing with them about?" he asked. 17. A man in the crowd answered, "Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. 18. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not." 19. "O unbelieving generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me." 20. So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth. 21. Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?" "From childhood," he answered. 22. "It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us." 23. " 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."

Then there is this...
Luke 8:33. When the demons came out of the man, they went into the pigs, and the herd rushed down the steep bank into the lake and was drowned. 34. When those tending the pigs saw what had happened, they ran off and reported this in the town and countryside, 35.and the people went out to see what had happened. When they came to Jesus, they found the man from whom the demons had gone out, sitting at Jesus' feet, dressed and in his right mind; and they were afraid. 36. Those who had seen it told the people how the demon-possessed man had been cured. 37.T hen all the people of the region of the Gerasenes asked Jesus to leave them, because they were overcome with fear. So he got into the boat and left. 38. The man from whom the demons had gone out begged to go with him, but Jesus sent him away, saying, 39. "Return home and tell how much God has done for you." So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him.

This isn't a demon story or a Halloween story. I was amazed as it became clear how when we need something we run to Jesus and when He gives us what we ask for we are afraid and run away or ask Him to leave. Take a look. vs. 15 in Matthew; and vs. 37 in Luke....

Did you notice the word 'all'?.


http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2042/2520404203_fe7b57bbbe_m.jpg

I know I just put this song on the 28th but it is so beautiful. He does have my heart and your heart.

Video & Song
'Lord, You Have My Heat' Delirious
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZ6oNDPP8HA&feature=related

Wednesday

October 1, 2008 Iam & I AM

I am & I AM

I am.. I am Deborah a conqueror, Hannah the hopeful, Ruth the daughter and companion, Esther the one who was born for this time, Lydia the encourager, Martha the server, Mary the captivated, Rachael the yearning and patient, Sarah who was barren who gave birth to a nation, the woman at the well the evangelist, the woman caught in adultery who experienced grace, the woman with the issue of blood who was desperate and was healed, the Proverbs 31 woman who did everything to please her Lord. Yes, there are others to add and I am all of them

There is no doubt we are all representing every woman in the bible, and men representing every man and vice versa. We are all strong and weak, dying yet alive, full of fear and full of faith, tired and energized, wanting to give up and holding on. We are all of these and all of them.

...and always remembering I am nothing without I AM.

(added after I was thinking later this morning; if truely honest even Jezebel the usurper, over-taker, prostituting for the sake of power, position, and self-satisfaction also can't be omitted.)


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Video & Song
'We Will Glorify' Twila Paris
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4skT9ndv6ng&feature=related