October 11, 2008 To Be Real or Not To Be Real

To Be Real or Not to Be Real

Sometimes I wish I could be real everywhere I go. Not to be one person in church and one person with my family and another in the public arena.

But really who can handle total truth? Shouldn't everyone? What is there to be afraid of?

I have been asked to add more of 'me' (thank you Pam and Sue), to my blog. So in an effort when I write in the evening or the afternoon in the future I will interject more of my'self'. After a long or hard day the 'real' me may show up more clearly. In the morning when I get up at 5am or so (sometimes I hit the snooze button too much) I go straight to the computer and type what is on my mind. I have come to realize the morning for me is a 'new' day and a 'new', 'fresh' idea so my blog is mostly going to or in fact always going to reflect that morning praise in my heart. It is just that way.

As the day goes on and and I'm afraid, angry, hurting on the inside the 'real' me shows up. The way I deal with it will determine if I am ready to die to myself by 'revealing' my(true)self and the truth of my 'real' life. I can choose to ignore the struggles and the pain or pretend it never happened (isn't that delusional?) or I can blame it on some other gullible person (isn't that crazy making?) or even more so, pull God into the picture like a band aid to cover it up. Because I have to be honest, most of the time the problems whether persception or circumstance in my life has nothing to do with God, but my own hidden, inner, unexpressed turmoil, or my own doing. Because of His grace and unconditional love He is always there patiently waiting for my eyes to open up and to be able to see His real and final Truth. Then go to Him where I can constantly ask for forgiveness, where His light shines so bright it shows me even the deep dark crevices of my heart and life that need to be exposed in order to be set free and healed. And if I allow it, the healing which comes from being set free is an ongoing process.

So if I send this out in the evening or afternoon these emails will look different and will sound different. It has been an overly exhausting day, with a lot of uncertainty (so what's new?) and I still need to get up early for another busy, uncertain day tomorrow.

And get ready because I am going to continue to be as real as I am able and look at the deeper, heart of who I am and continue to be set free as I find my way down this hard journey called 'life'.