November 1, 2008 Finding an answer again

Looking at my thoughts at the beginning of the year and I come across the answer to my very struggle the last couple of days. 'take time to look into my inner self and find the woman God created me to be, not the woman others want me to be.' It is His way of constantly reminding me, in a gentle, sweet way which only He can do.


Tuesday
January 1, 2008; A New Year
Hope springs eternal in the human breast; Man never Is, but always To be blest: The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home, Rests and expatiates in a life to come. Alexander Pope, An Essay on Man, Epistle I, 1733For a new year, with a new vision, after being catapulted to a new plateau, hope springs eternal. 27 years - half my life and I am just now understanding my need to continuously forgive others as well as continuously forgive myself. Love, this is the greatest commandment.Love your neighbor as yourself, there is no other commandment greater than these.Mark 12:31As a wife I can truly say I never had a complete understanding of what that means. In the turmoil and fast paced life of "trying" I failed. If fully redeemed, if fully reconciled, there is no looking back, unless I turn into a pillar of salt. All the hurts and disappointments in the past I left them there and my eyes are on what is today and do I dare say "tomorrow"? Because my life has been reduced to "moment by moment" and a deep need to take time to look into my inner self and find the woman God created me to be, not the woman others want me to be. In my 'doing' and 'expecting' I forgot that my husband is not my Lord, but my husband on earth, a pathway from the Lord to me. Sarah called her husband 'lord', Abraham was God's pathway to Sarah and she understood her Lord. Abraham's faith is spoken of throughout the entire scriptures. Sarah's faith is within her heart. And like Hannah as she contemplated silently, no words, she held faith and hope in her heart. And isn't it interesting, they both hoped for a child, a birth. It is a 'new year'!Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Samuel 1:13Moment by moment, day by day, then the extraordinary butterfly emerges. Without the rays of the sun it would never fly. Marriage will not fly without the Son in it. We are redeemed and made new and fresh as we hunger and are nourished by His Word; healing to my soul, my mind, my heart and in turn my body. Husbands can see us with a fresh, daily dose of new light within us that comes from our Lord through them. What a beautiful communion! As they love us with the same love that Christ loves His church we can grow together and yearn for each other as in Song of Songs. Can it get any better in this life?And the honest truth, for everyone to see out there in cyberspace, it took 27 years! I am just now understanding honor my husband as I honor the Lord. Somehow in my walk in searching for a deeper relationship with the Lord I couldn't see these two together. I have deeply wounded my husband over and over again and in turn we wound each other. As I looked at his humanness, I missed the Lord within him. Tragedy opens our eyes. Our Lord in His everlasting love and forgiveness helps us find a new future, a new hope as we build on that hope. Our new hope, is finding the connection to the pathway of the Lord through our husbands. May we all seek and yearn for and long for Christ in them and give them honor.

Agape; 1. the love of Christians for other persons, corresponding to the love of God for humankind; 2. with the mouth wide

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All the more evident, it is a day by day, moment by moment healing and it's continuous.


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