Search Me O Lord
Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10
Would not God search this out? For He knows the secrets of the heart. Yet for Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Psalm 44:21-22
It is an extremely painful process as we surrender to our Lord. There is no more crying out, no more searching ourselves, nothing is left but Him. Totally broken and totally accessible and totally naked before Him.
He gives us strength in our willingness as we are purged.
Yesterday an event in my life revealed to me two extreme contrasts, total darkness and total light. And as I think about this I have to admit I am scared but willing for the Lord to search me and for His sake die all day long.
Overcome by two intense feelings and the extreme contrast allowed me to see His love, His light. That light, that love, only a glimpse, but so overwhelming. And without one I would not have noticed the other. As His love swept over my soul and (I will say it) the hate that was in me was washed in the sweeping of that love in such a way there are no words to describe it.
I will never be the same. Because I experienced that love reserved for our ultimate death when we pass from this life to the next. And as I live, I welcome dying all day long if I am able to experience that love and His presence in each death.
Whatever it takes Lord, I'm yours.
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